Dateline: Ann Arbor, MI - September 4, 2010
The University of Connecticut Huskies trounced the once fabled Wolverines of University of Michigan football team 21-0 before one lone fan in Ann Arbor under sunny skies yesterday. “It was a surreal experience,” said UConn head football coach, Randy Edsall after the game. “It was more like a scrimmage – lots of action but little fan participation. I’m extremely proud of our team and appreciate the support we received in Ann Arbor. It’s a lovely town, and beautiful campus.”
Tailgating fans congregated outside “The Big House” followed the game action by radio and television and cheering loudly for the visiting Huskies team, while completely ignoring the hometown Wolverines. No booing or cat-calls – the crowd was just totally silent when the Wolverines had the ball, paying more attention to gulping beer and tending hamburgers and steaks cooking on grills. Overall, 107,500 fans boycotted the game due to various issues related to U of M head coach Rich Rodriguez including his admitted guilt of seven NCAA rules violations. “Rich Rod’s NCAA troubles were just the final straw,” said Ida Fyerrod, former GoBlue Booster chairperson. “He never should have been hired in the first place. The $4 million penalty U of M had to pay West Virginia should have told Sue Coleman that they’d picked the wrong guy. Our members will continue to avoid attending games until Rich and Sue are both demoted or released.”
Fans took turns occupying one seat in section 12 located in southern end zone. “We were hoping to let everyone with a ticket have a chance to watch at least one play, but it took longer than we anticipated shuttling one fan in at a time. It’s a much longer walk than we thought,” said boycott seating coordinator Justin Deserts, U of M Senior. “We’re proud that 902 fans did get to see some live football action, or the halftime band show, which was really spooky since the players and coaches were all in the locker rooms. With zero fans in the stands and no crowd noise you could really hear how talented those musicians are. It was great!”
Ticket scalpers had great success peddling tickets to others wanting to join the protest. “Not buying a ticket would be just so lame,” said Adam Ghetoverit, sports medicine sophomore. “I mean anyone can avoid coming to the game. But if you’re really sick of Rich Rod, it means so much more to have a few bucks on the line!” Ghetoverit did not want to reveal how much he paid for his ticket fearing his parents might not share his commitment to getting Rodriguez fired. “They might not understand – but the game was awesome! Go Huskies!”
Post script: all characters above are fictitious except the coaches and U of M President Sue Coleman. When I had this fantasy the game had not been played yet – so any similarity to actual outcome is purely coincidental. A guy can dream, though, can’t he? Big game, big stadium, and only one fan attends.
BTW: the photo was taken by my father back in 1956.

